dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
