I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
