let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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