Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
