His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
