I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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