I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
