So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
accomplished twins. life is a go
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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