the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
