I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
