addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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