6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
