She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
