Is it because I queefed?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
