Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
