Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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