He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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