Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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