i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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