got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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