Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
