I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Someone shit on the floor
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
