To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
