im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
