I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
