Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
