id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
