Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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