I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
