My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
