I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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