I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
