toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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