i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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