then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm passing your future prison.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize