I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
