i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
