I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
