I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize