and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
