Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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