Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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