One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
