My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
