i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
