ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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