Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize