Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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