Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
