I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
