Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
