The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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