i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
