she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize