Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
