Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
