2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
