Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
