it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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