Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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