There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
