Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
