Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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