i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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