yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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