can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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