i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
