dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ttyl tear gas
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
