its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
