I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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