when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
