I have demons in me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
