Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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