Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
