lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
