Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
