Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
