I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
