I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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