toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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