my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
