but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
