Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
